Saturday
I woke up a little before 5am. I was stressed out from my emotions the night before. It was time to work out. I had brought resistance bands so that I could get some exercise in place of the missed gym sessions, it was really good that I had them. I did an upper body session with a little core thrown in. Major exercises performed included: pull-downs, rowing, tricep extensions, bicep curls, chest crossovers, and bodyweight exercises such as headstands and wall handstands. Core exercises included cannonballs and trunk twists.
At one point I took off my sweaty shirt because I didn't want it falling over my face when I did my headstands, but I also wanted to admire myself and give any passerby outside a chance to engage in some voyeurism.
After showering and getting coffee, I joined Lee Widener and Garrett Cook in the hallway. John Wayne Communale was also there being complimented by Garrett for his performance at the party the night before. Specifically, Garrett mentioned the use of surf guitar, which I misheard as "surge guitar" for a bit, and thought to myself, man, these people are really cutting edge. Then I asked, based on some doubt in my hearing, if Garrett said "surf guitar"? He confirmed this. However, some jokes were made about "surge guitar."
Garrett was also saying some stuff about seizing the means of production, and so being a contrarian called their attention to the means of consumption. Cook was like that's just our faces, but Lee Widener got a kick out of my nonsense.
Then Constance made a welcome appearance, looking quite nice. She mentioned how her roommate had eaten skittles for dinner and snored, plus she was also sick; she was not pleased, but she was convinced she needed to stick breakfast out.
I volunteered the opposite, the fact that I pumped bands for two hours, and she was like how do you do it? I could have said I went to bed early due to having the blues over her departure the night before, and the fact that I had no roommate to distract me, but I said, "You saw how much food I had." Lee Widener followed up on this, so Constance bore witness to my carbohydrate-craze the night before. She also asked if I finished my tots? I reported that I had not, and she somewhat playfully said she was disappointed in me since I had been playing up my appetites the night before.
It became pretty quiet for a while, with sparse comments, so I commented that the moment was like a low-key Mumblecore movie. Constance left soon after, perhaps she wasn't ready for the meta observations.
I was hoping that I may be able to pick things up with Constance over breakfast, but she had already stated her challenges that morning. She also kept saying that it was hard being a human and similar sentiments. Despite this, I managed to sit close to her; she sat across from Ross Lockhart and sat next to Ross. I was admiring Constance's raw look, complete with eyeglasses.
We all ate in silence, but I decided to ask Ross about using a DSLR at the Wonderland Awards the prior year, and he said that he never did, he suggested that I was confusing him with Gabino, but I already knew about Gabino and his camera. Anyhow, it was all very uncomfortable.
Constance was definitely swimming against a current of clumsiness and self-consciousness, whereas, I was thinking about how huggable and kissable she looked. It was nice but an underwhelming scene in the end.
There was nothing to do on the schedule yet, Constance was heading to bed for a nap, so I decided to get an Uber to take me to the nearest Salvation Army so that I could get a used bag to check my liquid souvenirs from Edgefield.
The Uber driver was a friendly woman. We talked of Portland, BizarroCon, Uber and other driving services. I got a case for less than ten dollars.
I arrived with time to spare and so I decided to sit in a rocking chair faving the Ad House and rock like a good southern gentleman. Garrett Cook showed up and lingered in my area for a long enough time that I figured I’d better converse with him. I double checked that he was a fan of surf guitar. He said yes. Then I told him about a radio program on WAIF in Cincinnati, The Rockin’ and Surfin’ Show. He expressed interest and said he’d check it out. Wait, from rocking chair to Rockin’ and Surfin’ show, how perfect was that?
I made it to all the panels. Constance was at the horror panel, one of the only things I remember explicitly about it, and that she was absent from the rest. However, I did remember more from the Music for Bizarros panel. Nathan Carson hosted this panel and there was a focus on rock-oriented bands, and to a lesser extend jazz-oriented artists. I was thinking to myself about how they were not mentioning the acadmic modernists as well as the pre-war novelty music. At the end, when it was opened to questions, Lee admonished them for not mentioning the academic era or the pre-war music, which I expressed my appreciation to him for after the panel.
I also listened to the John Shirley reading, which was after the last panel. Nobody seemed to really be into the story, but I could have misread the audience, but I was certainly struggling to get into it. I noticed a distinctive individual who I didn't recognize seated behind me. Although androgynous in appearance, a definitely male voice came out at a certain point. I thought is this Cade Michael Quinn? I was too afraid to ask, not wanting to risk the embarrassment. I learned after the fact upon contacting Quinn that it was indeed him.
The Wonderland Awards was another perceived opportunity to interact with Constance more. When I first saw her I saw that she dressed up especially for the night, as some do, and I found her to be quite beautiful. However, she wasn't bringing me into her fold and I had bad vibes from the idea of trying to join her table. I also didn't want to have another frustratingly non-communicative experience like at breakfast. I figured that it would be better to play it cool and sit somewhere I was less invested in, so I sat at a table with Lee Widener. Eventually Andrew Goldfarb joined us.
There were also dolls I found it hard to appreciate.
The Wonderland Awards went to nice choices, but I wasn't invested in any one of them. Then there was the Ultimate Bizarro Showdown. I don't think that it gets better every year like many claim, I thought the one from my first year was the overall best. However, I would say that Gabino's performance of a Werner Herzog-inspired existentialist/nihilist type responding to a woman's attempts to sexually arouse him was the best ever. It was simply magical. He needed to win!
Afterwards I made myself to the Ad House for the party. I encountered one of the writers who I'd met earlier. Things were going pretty slowly, so we decided to get some drinks and give the party a chance to begin. I also said that I didn't feel lubed up enough for the party. He covered both our drinks, mine was the Terminator Stout shake, which he referred to as high-maintenance. Then we headed to the house while speaking about the differences between San Jose and Berkeley. It didn't take us long to part ways.
Constance and William were sticking together for a good portion of the night again. They left and then returned. At one point, I opened the door for them and Perkins and Constance alternatively engaged me. Constance spoke more about her sickness and gave us Emergen-C packets just in case.
Constance marveled at all the stuff that was going on at one point. I, being a contrarian and also feeling underwhelmed, called attention to all that was not going on. She asked me what should be going on (as a reference to my feelings and wishes that the rest of BizarroCon become a long bonding period with Constance, which is highly selfish and unrealistic fantasy). Instead, I randomly stated that Goro could walk in. At first she didn't know the reference, but I reminded her that he was a Mortal Kombat character, and eventually she sort of got it. She mentioned that she was a button-masher. I said that my brothers are gamers, so they probably knew the term. By deflecting my real meaning, I sort of got more of what I wanted anyways.
Eventually, Constance went elsewhere and Chrissy Horchhheimer joined William and I. Chrissy spoke of the Portland riots causing her to miss multiple buses from multiple bus lines (I couldn't help but think to myself: bus people!), among other frustrations. She also spoke of healthcare and Trump and other serious stuff. Then the subject of hula-hooping came up. Chrissy said she was like a hula-hoop master and that she'd been given an industrial hula-hoop at one point and that she rocked it.
Then I mentioned the idea of hula-hooping while riding a mechanical bull. They said it would take a strong core. I said it would also take strong legs and started pantomiming the act for them, which resulted in some laughs. I suggested maybe I found my thing for the next Ultimate Bizarro Showdown.
William gave me a bit of an arm around the shoulder, which I was obviously underwhelmed by. He was looking for more enthusiasm on my part, so I opened my arms for a hug, clasped my arms around him and lifted him up. This resulted in some increased blood circulation, which satisfied both our need for enthusiasm from me.
Constance was still around, but there was to be no further moments between us that night. I found G. Arthur Brown outside having a conversation with Carlton Mellick III about Russian and Chinese films and the strict government regulations on their respective film industries.
At one point, G. Arthur Brown was trying to remember a certain Chinese film. He saw Erix Hendrixon approach and asked him, and Eric didn't know. He then turned to me and asked me if I knew, I said, "If I knew, I would have told you minutes ago." I then suggested that it be looked up online, if it wasn't cheating. Brown said he didn't have a smartphone. So I took my phone out and looked it up. It was The Butcher, The Chef, and The Swordsman, I suddenly felt all my eavesdropping pay off. G. Arthur Brown then shifted the conversation toward me and eighties movies, Carlton soon took off. We spoke of Warlock, Friday the 13th, and Phantasm among others.
We soon parted ways and I headed for bed.
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