This will be far less detailed, particularly for the earlier parts of the day, than my last post on BizarroCon.
I woke up earlier than necessary as usual. I needed some face moisturizer, so I bought some at the gift shop, but it turned out not as sensitive as hoped. I also wandered a bit before my first workshop.
The Art of Writing Realistic Dialogue with Molly Tanzer. Incidentally, Thunderbolt Girly Face was in this one. Why does a super powered queen of racing hearts and love-addled minds fill the need to enroll in workshops? Your guess is as good as mine?
Anyhow, I had a question about the challenge of writing historical and regional dialogue. Tanzer eased my mind when she asserted that writing a modernized, natural sounding dialogue will serve the story better than slavish dedication.
Tanzer had us partner up and do dialogue exercises that involved impromptu dialogue based on prompts and memory. When it was my turn to generate dialogue, I imbued mine with amnesia, partially because I felt it was unique, but partially because I didn't want to have try to keep an expanding amount of dialogue straight in my mind.
It was a breakfast workshop, which meant we were all on the hook for food ordered. Molly Tanzer was appalled when the money came up about $57 short of the bill. What came next was even more bizarre. Thunderbolt Girly Face took a look at the bill and determined that it was the gratuity, which most of us weren't accounting for. She took care of business by getting people to whip out the necessary money to settle up and then some, it was a bit of a rock star moment, in a "common decency"/everywoman sort of way. Where does one such as the awesome and fierce Thunderbolt Girly Face get off by stooping to the concerns of ordinary mortals?
The next workshop was Writing Visually with Brian Keene. This one was all about writing that creates vivid pictures in the readers' minds, which so often is achieved, ironically, by being sure to write about non-visual senses. By the end of the workshop I distilled his lesson down to "less words, more detail and purpose." He gave us an exercise in which the others were underwhelmed with my work. By the end of the workshop, we got a chance to rework our scenes given what we may have learned. The second time around my scene was met with much enthusiasm, including that of Keene himself.
After some free time just wandering and drifting, I headed to the readings. Specifically, I wanted to hear my friend, Charles Austin Muir, who, unfortunately, started early, making my arrival during a point in which he had already started. However, it was the readings by Jeff Burk and Brendan Vidito that stood out.
After the readings, I had a late lunch. Specifically, I got one of the pizzas. Then I drifted for a longer time until the Eraserhead Press party was set to begin.
This party is always one of the highlights because Carlton Mellick III always gives a performance worthy of the Ultimate Bizarro Showdown and this one was no exception. However, David Barbee also gave a riotous performance based on his book Bacon Fried Bastard. They were all good.
The other highlight of the night was more personal, which involved a fair amount of attention from both WP and Thunderbolt Girly Face. They were pretty tight throughout the weekend. They invited me to join them at The Power Station. Or rather I was compelled to. Before I could go with them I was under the dreadful compulsion to stay dutifully for the rest of the acts. I regretted not going with them from the beginning and getting a fuller experience of what turned out to be the most distinct part of the whole weekend for me. Of course, it wasn’t really my regret but that of the black magic.
When I did arrive at The Power Station, I informed the host that I wanted a table for one. However, after scanning the place, I saw Thunderbolt Girly Face and WP smiling at me and welcoming me over. Duh, you were invited bozo, I thought to myself. I informed the host that I was joining them instead.
I awed them with my order of both the large truffle fries and cajun tots. Carbohydrate-criticism was in the air, but of course I'm the guy with the body, I'm the guy who puts in all the hours in the gym and in the pool, so I didn't give a shit. Thunderbolt Girl Face did not have the power to undo years of working out!
I told them about the diet my dad was on, the ketogenic diet, which is high fat, moderate protein, very limited and strictly controlled carbs. WP told me he was also on that diet, which gave me a kick.
After the carbo-shock had passed, what followed was a three-way conversation, much of it between me and Thunderbolt Girly Face touching upon TV shows, new and old, such as Flipper and Black Mirror. She had a neat family story about Flipper but I will leave that for her to tell. Leave it to Thunderbolt Girly Face to work in those endearing childhood references. We also spoke lightly of politics and of fears of heights, including that of flying.
Thunderbolt Girly Face is such a great listener. After all, a great sorceress must listen carefully to best work her magic. The best example of this is when the subject of shoplifting came up and so I decided to get anecdotal with this one. I told her that I had stolen toilet paper and paper towels from campus bathrooms while in college to save money, and there wasn't an ounce of judgment in her face or voice. I know, you’re all screaming at me not to fall for this, but I did.
NOW BEGINS THE SOAP OPERA, READER BEWARE. Translation: Major Bro Code Violation.
I wanted this to go on for hours, but it ended all too soon when WP and Thunderbolt Girly Face had to take off for the airport to pick up Laura Lee Bahr who was Thunderbolt Girly Face's roommate for the weekend. Does Laura know the real nature of her roommate? Who can say?
It was ridiculous how sad I was to see them go, particularly Thunderbolt Girly Face. I was all fucked up that night. I finished my truffle fries and boxed the tots, but never finished them.
And so followed another avalanche of frenzied feelings made possible by the one and only Thunderbolt Girly Face. I went back to my room in a state of incredulity with how utterly stupid I was being, how fast I'd fallen over the cliff into another whirlwind crush on someone. Yawn. I didn't go to BizarroCon to develop any emotional attachments. Who cares, it happened, get over it. I had remained free of such feelings for over a year. Oh, really? I posted on Facebook that I had a crush in which I was both stupid and silly to have. No shit. I liken the experience to a dog at the pound getting attached to a human only for that human to leave them behind except that nobody was going to kill me and that Thunderbolt Girly Face would touch base with me throughout the weekend. Wait, is that really what you want, bro? But the mind persisted in its trance. Okay, perhaps a bit hyperbolic but the fact I can even go to this place based on a memory from a week ago suggests some deep shit.
Anyhow, I went to bed determined to get my mind at least halfway back on track.
Impressions below are from today, Thanksgiving, 2016.
Now, I don't want to paint a negative experience or to leave the reader with a negative view on the situation. I am grateful for that night at the Power Station. It was tremendous fun until it simply had to end. As it turns out, maybe things aren’t so bad. Maybe people can change, perhaps even super powered sorceresses like Thunderbolt Girl Face. She has been available since then in a friendly capacity. That does count, doesn’t it? However, fifty years from now, I want the truth of those moments, as best remembered, to be on record for edification and vicarious experience. And, of course, we all need to remember Thunderbolt Girly Face.
Hopefully, I will be laughing my ass off about this. Somebody already is, bro.
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